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Yelling Helps!

Yelling Helps

Y’all, if you’re going through some shit, yelling HELPS!  Especially cursing.  And I’ve figured out exactly who you can cuss at and STILL make momma proud!

About four months after Jeff died, I was in Houston visiting my son and dealing with more attorney crap when the day came that I finally snapped.  My anxiety had HIT A WALL.  I had been under so much stress from the legal situation that my stomach was a constant knot and I was always on the verge of tears and that day was somehow worse.

I was at a traffic light when I got a text message that spiked my anxiety to an all new high and the damn broke, I was completely overwhelmed and a panic attack was about to start, my chest tightened, I couldn’t breathe…

And just at that moment, my cell phone happened to ring.  It was a number I didn’t know but because of the legal bullshit, I got weird numbers that were important, so against my better judgement and impending panic attack, I answered.  Here’s how it went down:

ME: Hello (not in a very nice tone and gasping)

SCAM ARTIST:  Hello (in a very heavy accent of some sort)

ME:  Hello, I can’t understand you.

SCAM ARTIST:  I’m calling you to fix your computer errors

 (But I only understood fix computer)

ME:  What?  I don’t understand you, what are saying? 

 (I’m yelling this loudly in my car like that will help us understand each other.)

SCAM ARTISIT:  I’m fixing computer errors

 (still can’t understand a damn word he’s saying)

ME:  Dude! What are you saying?  Something about a computer problem?  I don’t have any computer problems.

SCAM ARTISIT:  Ma’am (he said this FORCEFULLY), I’m TRYING to fix your computer error

(Now I get it!!  He’s trying to hack my computer and steal all my personal information.  Gotcha asshole, not this time.  I’m totally onto his scam at this point, and all that anxiety and anger burst forth)

ME:   What computer error? (asked innocently this time)

SCAM ARTIST:  The error on your computer lady, I’m trying to fix your computer. Let me get on it.

(He yelled.  He shouldn’t have yelled.)

ME:  I don’t have a computer error. (I was sooooo sweet when I said that, but the demon was on it’s way out.)


 (He just yelled for the last time)

ME: (Yelling at the top of my lungs) EXCUSE ME, motherfucker you better check that shit.  I just fucking said I don’t have a fucking computer problem…(I put HEAVY emphasis on every f-bomb)

SCAM ARTIST: (trying to talk over me unsuccessfully) I NEED ON YOUR COMPUTER

ME:(Still screaming). I DON’T HAVE A COMPUTER PROBLEM!!  You are a piece of (insert major profanity, like, multiple words) scam artist that robs people out of thousands of dollars a day.  I bet your grandmother is ashamed of you. How can you sleep at night?  Do you know what you are doing to those people you hack, you stupid fucker?  You ruin lives for a living you lowlife scum…

And on I went.  Like for a LONG while, and so much profanity.  OH, the profanity I used.  It felt so good to call someone out on their bullshit.  At some point he hung up on me but y’all, it felt GOOD to have yelled all that profanity!! 

I needed to yell angry hate words at someone who deserved it, and there he was, the perfect scam artist.  Someone who was hacking computers and robbing people blind, there for the unleashing of anger and anxiety on.  It was perfection.  I got to yell all the bad words I needed to and, while he was wasting time listening to me, there was one less computer getting hacked.  And I hope it made him think about his life choices a little.

Yelling profanity may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if it is, I highly recommend doing exactly that when you get those annoying scam calls.  You’ll be doing your anxiety a favor as well as the rest of the world! 

Yell safely my friends and only at those that deserve it!

About Sarah Johnston

Hi! I’m Sarah. I’m a suicide loss survivor who also happens to be dealing with severe anxiety, PTSD and depression. What a ball of fun right? Maybe someone else out there can learn from my triumphs and disasters as I trip and panic my way through grief, loss and mental illness.

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